He Prepares

Scout's motto: Be Prepared!

Yet the Bible says: We can make our plans,
but the LORD determines our steps. (Proverbs 16:9 NLT)

So I think my resolution and personal motto is: He prepares.

I feel like the Lord has been preparing me for all that He has for me and I am so excited! Although nearly all of the plans and expectations I've made have fallen apart, i.e. our plans to go to Thailand this year and our plans to move to Kentucky, I am at peace and loving this season of faith.

My most recent realization of His preparation came to me tonight as I was reflecting on my day...

I had four separate points of connection and conversation with four treasured girl friends of mine today. Now, "old me" would typically feel drained and overwhelmed, having been anxious about each encounter, especially when you add a full day of work, mom stuff, fighting some kind of cold or bug, and only getting 4 hours of sleep last night.

But instead, I felt energized and exhilarated! Every conversation felt natural and effortless. This is a new feeling for me. You see, I used to fret irrationally about what to say or how to say it, constantly stressing over not making a fool of myself and hoping I don't miss a line or cue. Ugh. That is so exhausting and futile!

Instead I am learning to trust the Lord, be myself, and treasure each opportunity to connect with others. What a relief! Especially considering that I know I am called to minister through relationship, particularly in this next season of my life. I am stoked that I am seeing fruit of the Lord's preparations, despite my own preparations failing.

Honeycomb Tombs: An Album in Review

Loss.

Grief.

These things are a natural side effect of living. That doesn't make them easy, though.

What do you say to a 15 year old boy whose mom just died of breast cancer? Or a first time mom whose baby unexpectedly died shortly after he was born? Or a close friend who just had a miscarriage? Or a friend whose unborn nephew would not survive once he was born?

There are no magic words. There is no "easy" button. In times like these, perhaps silence is golden.

But what if there was something you could give to them to accompany them on their journey with grief? Or if you had something to accompany you if you find yourself on that journey?

Karla Adolphe, a beautiful person and incredible musician, has put together just that. Her new album, Honeycomb Tombs, is full of songs to aid in the grieving and healing process, no matter what that might look like. I have never heard a more hauntingly beautiful voice or been so deeply moved by such an anointed heart. Every song on this album stirred emotions within me that I didn't realize existed. I have been spared many sorrows in my own life but have had my heart wrenched by the sorrows of those around me and I believe that this is a beautiful gift from the Father Himself.

The song "Invisible Lines" was one of the first I heard from the album and will stick with me forever. The lyrics say: "our hearts broke at the same time... torn across invisible lines... mine was still beating... yours said goodnight..." Just one simple example of the fabulous way Karla has of painting word pictures for what we see with our hearts.

This album is completely free and available to download on May 15. I urge you to add it to your own music collection and share it with everyone in your world. Even if you aren't currently in a state of dealing with loss or grief this music will seep into your soul and minister to you in a profound way.

Thailand or Bust!

This family update has been a long time coming...

On July 5th, all five of us plus three of the youth in our ministry are leaving for a month long mission trip to Thailand. We will start and end our journey briefly in Texas, where we will be meeting the rest of our team that is going, and receiving the necessary training to be the most effective we possibly can while in country.

We are all very excited about being able to travel the globe as a family, especially knowing it will all be for the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. Even the kids can show you where Thailand is on our little bouncy globe. We know the Lord is calling us there for many different reasons. Certainly one of the greatest reasons is because of the dire need that is found there.

For info on the trip go here: http://www.globalexpeditions.com/mission-trips/summer-trips/asia/thailand/ If you select "Quick Facts" you will see details about Thai culture and how to pray.

We have been doing fundraisers since the summer of 2011 for getting us over there, but we still have a long way to go financially. As we write this (April 16th) we have 80 days left before we leave, and we need your help to make it there. Be it through prayer and/or financial support, we want to offer you the chance to partner with us and with the Lord for what He is going to do this summer.

If you are interested in helping through prayer support, send us a private message and we will put you on our prayer team newsletter.

If you are interested in helping through financial support, you can go to Global Expeditions' website and donate directly to us there. The direct link is http://www.globalexpeditions.com/donate/ and our Group ID to donate to is 2659982, so feel free to do so as soon as possible! We need roughly $4400 per person, so any and all gifts are fully welcomed and appreciated!

If you have any questions, feel free to let us know. We will definitely be keeping you updated as we prepare to go change the world, and while we are over there too!

Yep, Blessed.

For the record: I have the most awesome family ever.

Tonight we went to dinner at Dos Hombres after work with my coworker, Laura. Tom let me know he wanted to get dessert afterward too, and the kids invited Laura to join us for that as well. I thought that was it, but snickering girls and shushing secrets made me a bit suspicious...

Then the cashier at Red Mango handed me a bag and said, "And I believe this is yours too."

At this point my girls turned into monkeys at the zoo who discovered new people to fling poo at... They were laughing and squealing and hopping and running around, obviously excited about whatever was in that bag.

We made our way through the crowded FroYo shop to a table and the girls started pulling things out of the Pier 1 bag in my hand.




A colorful new journal with a blue be-jeweled pen from Kylee. Exactly what I have been needing since I finished my last journal a few days ago and have been learning so much that I've been wanting to write out. Kylee picked it out herself and it is perfect, which means a lot coming from this picky journal-er!




An embroidered purple scarf from Chloe. This was handpicked beauty from my trendy little accessorizer. I told her I especially like that it's purple because it reminds me of her.




A necklace with many wonderful dangling doo-dads that apparently Josiah was adamant about getting for me. I'm sure he can't wait for me to wear it so he can play with all the cool things when I hold him.




A fabulous blue and turquoise cuff bracelet from my amazing husband who knows how to pick fun, artsy jewelry better than I do.




A fun bubble bead necklace that apparently is from Jesus, but Daddy got to give it to me from Him. ;)

All of these gifts were so thoughtful and beautiful. Laura was impressed and wondered if it was my birthday. I assured her it was not. Tom told us the story of how he and the kids were talking about how much they love me and wanted to do something special for me, just because. This blessed me the most. He said that the two young men behind the counter at Red Mango were pretty excited to be a part of it.

I'm so blessed to be loved so fully. I can't stop smiling! I am honored that my children and husband are so ecstatic to show me their love and affection. These may be small trinkets that didn't cost a great deal of money, but the hearts they came from and the thought that went into each gift are so precious to me.

Fall

I love the fall.

(Now I am obviously referring to the "autumn" type of fall rather than the "falling" type of fall I wrote about in my last post.)

I love the cool, crisp air.

I love the beautiful colors everywhere I look.

I love walking in fallen leaves when they are dry and crunch under my feet.

I love that it is getting dark earlier.

I love putting my mini people in hooded sweatshirts and snuggling with them to keep warm in the wind.
I love the excitement of the changing seasons.

I guess I have always viewed fall and spring as the "transitional" seasons. Creation is changing in preparation for the next stage of being. Preparing for the harsh cold of winter or the intense heat of summer. I think that is why I love these two seasons the most; I feel like my life is also in constant preparation for what is to come, in a very good way!

Sometimes there have been falls in our life where it feels a lot like death is setting in. The trees lose their leaves and go into the like-death hibernation mode and it seems that our life follows suit due to the loss of a job or other financial hardships, relationship difficulties, ministry stresses, etc.I wouldn't cite those falls to have been my favorite. But they were necessary for the growth that followed in the spring and summer and I am thankful for even the hardest of autumns.

Other times there wasn't any kind of changing season whatsoever, such as when I lived in the Marshall Islands with my family. The weather there was the same year round. The only "seasons" I ever heard mention of were the "rainy" season and the "windy" season. Whenever I tried to inquire as to when each was approximately going to come about, I pretty much gathered that if it was raining outside it was the rainy season but if it wasn't it was most likely windy so then it was the windy season... Not much of a "season" difference as far as I could tell! It makes me smile to think about it, though. I loved the warmth of the sun all year long and the warm lagoon waves on the warm coral sand any time I wanted. I miss seeing and hearing the rain move in from way out somewhere in the unending ocean and watching it move expediently toward the shore. I miss island life and would go back if the opportunity were ever to arise.

But there is certainly something special about witnessing the changing of the physical seasons. Something about Starbucks bringing back their Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Peppermint Mochas. Something about hot chocolate and marshmallows and laughter with my precious daughters. Something about the kids' faces lighting up when they see the different colors of the leaves on the trees as we're driving to church on Sunday morning. Something about the crisp freshness in the air. Something about seeing people draw closer together to stay warm.

Oddly enough, I feel like cleaning my house more in the fall than I do in the spring. So that is what I am setting out to do this fall: clean my house. And my cars. And my heart. I guess you could say I'm implementing a little "Fall Cleaning" in my life. It's gonna be good!

I guess I think about how I'll be in my house a lot more than I'll be out of it over the next several months, so I better make it look and feel and smell as inviting as I have always hoped it would. And I believe that as I clean out the dusty cobwebs from my kitchen ceilings and the caked on grime from the doorknobs and lightswitches, I will have time to listen to the Holy Spirit a little more about the cobwebs in my heart that are keeping me from loving the Lord how I ought to and spreading His Kingdom wherever I go by loving the people around me. In making my home more readily presentable, I'll be able to open my doors and share all that I have with peace and joy. In the same way, in allowing the Truth and love of Jesus to clean out my heart, I will be more readily available to open my arms and embrace my friends and loved ones with more grace and joy, welcoming them into my heart more and more and receiving the blessing of who they are on a much grander scale.

The only thing I don't like about fall, however, is that it always seems so short... I hope this fall is long enough to hold all of the love and joy and bliss and blessings and growth that my loving Daddy has in store for me and for you!

And if we have the opportunity, let's you and I grab a pumpkin spice latte together to celebrate this great time of year!

Falling

In my house things fall. A lot.

Mostly this is because things are constantly being put higher and higher to keep them out of reach of 6 curious hands. The other reason is because we have a habit of piling things instead of just putting them away.

Regardless, things fall. 

And I often get upset when things fall. It frustrates me that not everything has a place. It gets under my skin when people don't put their stuff away (including myself). It burns my buscuits that we don't have a closet for this or a drawer for that.

It really isn't the most mature thing for me to respond by screeching or cursing or blaming other people or throwing things across the room, but I have to confess that these are not unheard of reactions on my part. I have grown and am growing, but there is still plenty of room to grow more.

When I react to these things, rather than respond to them, I am like a wave tossed on the ocean, doubting and lacking wisdom. How embarrassing when I behave in such ways, especially in front of my kids and husband. Not exactly the example of the Lord's love and peace I hope to be in my home.

As I said, I have grown in this; now I have a choice to respond rather than react, laughing it off and cleaning things up and putting things away. What is the point of getting upset about it when I could have prevented it by putting things away anyway? When I still make the choice to react immaturely (usually accompanied with excuses like "it's been a really bad day already" or  "it's all [fill in the blank]'s fault"), I have learned to get over it quickly, laugh it off, apologize for how I acted, and move on with my day. I used to seethe about things like that for hours and hours, wasting precious time that could have been spent much more pleasantly and making those around me suffer. How foolish! I am grateful that this is something the Lord has worked on in me and is still working on in me.

This freedom I have to make a choice on how to respond when things fall (or other annoying things happen) shows me that I am becoming more like a tree planted by the streams of living water whose roots go down deep and whose branches bear much fruit - fruit that will last! This is truly my desire.

The amazing thing about all of this is that it isn't dependent on me, but it is dependent on my trust in the Living God. The verse in James about the wave is based on the concept of asking the Lord for more wisdom and Him giving it to me. The verse in the Psalms about being like a tree talks about delighting in the laws of the Lord and meditating on them all the time. The verse in John about bearing fruit is all about being chosen by the Lord and not only asking for things in His name, but receiving them as well. Wow! There is so much yet to learn.

So instead of getting upset about things falling, I will stop being lazy and put them away, first of all, but second and more important, I will rest in the Lord and become so consumed by His love and faithfulness that I can't even see the things around me falling as I fall into His goodness.

The Cell Phone

Lately I feel as though my life has, in essence, exploded. I don’t mean for this to have a negative connotation, so please don’t hear that. I do mean that I am not the same that I was 6 months ago and I am not even the same today as I was yesterday. When I say “exploded” I am referring to the physics of an explosion completely changing the look and feel, the topography and physical recognition of whatever is in the zone of impact. The explosion is the power of the Holy Spirit and my life is the zone of impact.

In the last year or so I have endured trials of many kinds: I have been hurt and I have been hurtful; I have received Truth and I have believed lies; I have been forgiven and I have forgiven; I have been judged and I have made judgments; I have been accepted and I have felt rejected; I have loved and I have been loved; I have learned and I have slacked off; I have given much and I have received much. These things aren’t different than any other person’s life or any other season of life. So what am I learning in this particular season of trials and blessings?

I was listening to a teaching at Origins Church in Boulder Sunday night about The Pattern of Surrender. Pastor Ramin Razavi started in Ezekiel 47:1-12 about the vision Ezekiel had of walking out from the temple through the different levels of water (seriously, you should check it out!) and he posed this question: “How deep are we willing to go in the living water of Christ?”

This made me think about my own faith.

Faith: such a heavy word. So much is encompassed in just this one concept.

So as I was driving home from Denver, worshipping and praying and trying to listen, I asked the Holy Spirit about that next depth of Living Water I am to venture into. He asked me what I want it to be. I remembered some of the ministry from the Healing Path Day Retreat (based out of Robin Pasley's book) I had the privilege of attending on Saturday regarding being best friends with the Holy Spirit. Now, as I have mentioned in the past, I am kind of new to the whole concept of the Spirit’s ministry in and through me. So I expressed the desire to have that best friendship and to understand Him more so we can move together naturally as one.

He told me to call my (sleeping) husband (poor thing). I couldn’t understand what that had to do with anything. I honestly thought, well sheesh, here I am trying to spend time with You to understand You better and You want me to call my husband…

So I called Tom and he was very gracious and loving and we chatted for a few minutes but I was in the mountains and had bad reception so he kept asking me to repeat myself and I kept asking him to repeat himself and it was really just kind of silly to try to have a conversation at all. So we decided to get off the phone and talk later when I was in a place with better reception.

I hung up the phone and gave this kind of puzzled look of “Huh?” to the Holy Spirit. He then began to reveal to me how I view communicating with Him and Jesus and the Father. I realized through this conviction that I feel like I’m talking on a cell phone with bad reception whenever I am praying.

Of course, this isn’t an accurate picture of what it looks like to communicate with the Almighty God. Jesus says in Matthew 28:20: “I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  He didn’t say “I am just a cell phone call away, and if you get lucky, I’ll answer! And if you get really lucky, there might even be good reception and you’ll be able to clearly hear My voice!”

So, why do I feel like the latter words are more accurate than the actual words of Jesus?

I wish I had an answer to share with you. I am still trying to sort through all of my issues to hopefully discover what has caused me to believe this lie that communicating with the One who loves me so dearly and rejoices over me and is with me always is like talking through bad cell phone reception. I am on a mission to discover what has caused me to think of this as normal and live the lie that I won’t ever be able to have clarity in communicating with my Lord. For surely, since He is with me always, He is as close as my own breath and He is able to whisper sweetly in my ear and I am able to confide in Him at any moment. I long to walk in faith that this is true; I want my life to reflect that I am in constant communion with my Maker.

In all of my recent learning and revelation, I feel as though my eyes have been opened and I can finally SEE clearly. I wrote about how I feel like I finally received my corrective lenses in the spiritual realm here. I truly believe that as I discover where the roots of these lies about communicating in the spiritual realm come from and I root them out of my life, I will receive spiritual hearing aids and I will hear with clarity beyond what I can fathom and I will walk in communion with my Lord like never before!

When I get it all figured out, I’ll share with you, dear readers, so that you, too, might find the freedom that is being offered me. If you have already found said freedom, please do share about your journey that I might be encouraged and blessed and find the answers all the sooner!